Home and away heartthrobs and their Paso…

This is clearly the only thing they are good at. My claim to fame is obviously that one time I danced with that bloke who turned out to be Thor and Hollywood’s best looking Dad with a hot Spanish actress yoga and wholefoods loving wife (I read a lot of trashies). And by dance I don’t mean at the pub around a handbag, although we did do that a couple of times, I mean like ballroom hold, Salsa hips, left foot… other left foot, dance. Although Chris Hemsworth is a pretty good actor and really good at getting someone to shout him a Mars Bar, dancing you would say is not really his forte. Lucky for him he’s a good looking bloke. After four failed attempts at “dancing” Chris found his feet when he dusted off the tassells of a Balero Jacket that had been no doubt been found in an Op Shop in Collingwood and a Cumberband that ultimately made his legs look another foot taller than his dancer partner… being me. To be fair the Paso Doble is the black sheep of the latin dances. Heel leads* are permitted as well as a pelvic thrust posture situation* and a strictly ballroom-esq theme to the music*, which ordinarily make this a more difficult dance. But with flat footed good looking buff surfers from Chittaway Bay it seems to be easier than getting Alf Stewart to crack the sads and exit stage left screaming “strike me pink!”. Tai Hara is a good looking bloke who also appears on Home and Away who also did a pretty good Paso, a bare chest or a missing shirt is never a bad idea though is it. The character and story of the Paso Doble is very clear, we’re in Spain, we’re at a Bullfight and there is a Bull, a Bull fighter and sometimes even a falamenco dancer… if you’re lucky. For an actor finding an emotion to fit a story is an easy thing to do, so this is possibly why Paso is more attainable for these guys, well more attainable than a Jive let’s say. I think this proves that character and intent is largely missing in a ‘normal’ dancers Paso Doble, and using this aspect can make a judge forget about all the things you are doing wrong and be able to be carried away with the mood of the dance. How amaze that it takes an actor to point this out to us, maybe we should take a leaf out of their book, or at the very least a paragraph. Ole! *Ballroom Dancing technical jargon

The warmerupper. Last time I was at DWTS John Deeks was the warm up guy and a good warm up guy he was. Perhaps these days the budget has gone down, or maybe is John Deeks dead? Anyway it seems the producers grabbed a homeless guy up from the Bourke St Mall and offered him $100 and the left overs from the catering, to be the warm up guy for the evening. Lucky for them, it turns out he was bloody funny. I’ve even checked out his show at the Melbourne International Comedy Festival, he was that funny. He was almost as funny as some of the foxtrot footwork (to which the culprits shall remain nameless)  that I saw. It’s a hard job to keep hundreds of people in uncomfortable seats entertained and possibly awake for more than three hours of judges comments, video packages and lots and lots of ad breaks. The amount of dancing on DWTS is actually fairly minimal in comparison to how long the program goes for and the warm up guy is probably the hardest working guy in the room, except for the executive producer I mean, and the hosts, and the judges (no wonder I never get a gig on this show)! It’s actually a very high pressure position because the audience can make or break a performance, if they are not out of their seats clapping on the 2nd beat of the music and doing a little foot gig then the celebrity dancer is probably not going to give it beans and then get a rubbish score and then crack the sads when they are eliminated at the end of the night. No pressure though warm up guy, no pressure.

A dancing footballer is an oxymoron. For the last fifteen years (at least) the Ballarat Football Club has done a players review at their annual ball. It entails at least six footballers to learn a two minute dance over about 8 to 10 (sometimes 52) weeks. Usually the hardest thing is to get one of them to be able to count to 8 and in time with the music, just so they can start at the correct place in the music, or they are behind the eight ball -pun intended, before they have even started. We even tried whacking a couple of netballers in there as well so as to balance out the testosterone, it’s still proved to be a challenge even with the help of the girls. It is always a laugh though especially if they are dressed in drag, but rarely have we made a submission to the ‘MTV music video choreography of the year’ competition. So I understand how hard it is to teach the blokes to move and try and keep their often uber muscley bums into gear. The female Pro’s always have the disadvantage of not being able to properly guide (backlead) their partner through the dance just because of the sheer fact that physically they can’t match them for size or strength. They do however have a great time when it comes to doing a lift cos you can just jump on and hang on for the ride! I think both the footballers have natural rhythm and are not just clumping their way across the floor with lack of flexability, finesse and a Pineapple dance studio’s aerobic g-string leotard (although we all kind of wish they would). It’s great to see a super athletic Aussie bloke that has spent his life on an oval get a little, or a lot, puffed out after a Viennese Waltz… even if it is due to numerous broken noses and lacking the ability to breathe through ones nostrils. And good on these guys for having a crack and showing everyone they can actually dance, a little, and are able to use their biceps for good and not evil!
Abbey.. Home and away heartthrobs and their Paso…